THE ODDITY OF FORMALITY

The Strange Idea That Fabric = Respect

Somewhere along the line, society decided that respect lives in clothing, not in character.

A suit became a moral certificate. A dress became proof of sincerity. A tie became a sign of maturity.

And the body, the one Nature gave us, was declared “not enough” or even “sinful.”

This is the first absurdity: We treat fabric as more respectable than a human being.

Formality as a Mask, Not a Gesture

People say, “Dress formally to show respect.”

But what does that actually mean?

• How is it more respectful to subdue the display of personality?
• Does grief become more real if the shirt is ironed?
• Does love become more valid if the shoes are polished?
• Does sincerity increase with the price tag?

Formality doesn’t express emotion or character. It hides it.

It’s a mask. A uniform. A costume designed to signal compliance at cost of personality. If we keep honoring compliance over personality, where does that lead the future? where does personality go? Does our ability to decide wither?

And when people insist on it, what they’re really saying is:

“Respect is not being yourself as you are. Respect is only when you mask yourself.”

The Funeral Paradox

Funerals are the clearest example.

“Celebration of life,” is the claim, yet a dress code is enforced that suppresses individuality, culture, and emotion. conformity is demanded at the exact moment when authenticity matters most.

Celebrating their life becomes performed, not felt.

People say, “If you don’t wear a suit, you’re disrespecting the departed.”

But what if the departed didn’t live in suits & the business culture it stands for robbed them blind without them even knowing? What if the departed loved life, color, & nature? What if the departed belonged to a culture where honesty, not polyester, carries meaning?

Why is the body ^{of which the Divinity of Nature shaped} considered disrespectful, while a mass produced garment is considered reverent?

The Environmental Cost of “Respect”

Dry cleaners dump chemicals into water systems. Fast fashion fills landfills. Synthetic fibers shed microplastics into rivers & thus our bloodstreams.

All in the name of “respectability.”

We poison the Earth to maintain a ritual that has nothing to do with love, grief, or honor.

If respect requires environmental harm, is it really respect?

The Real Question: Why Isn’t the Human Body Enough?

Why do we trust fabric more than sincerity? Why do we believe a suit can make a person honorable? Why do we think respect is only valid when colorless? Why do we treat clothing as a moral test?

The answer is simple:

We inherited a system that confuses obedience with respect.

Formality is not about respect. It’s about control.

Clothing rules were historically used to:

• mark class
• enforce hierarchy
• separate “civilized” from “uncivilized”
• suppress Indigenous identity
• erase cultural expression
• signal obedience to church, state, or employer

The suit itself is a colonial artifact. It’s the uniform of empire, commerce, and assimilation.

So when someone says:

“If you don’t wear a suit, you’re disrespectful.”

What they’re really saying is:

“Respect means obeying the system I obey.”

Respect Is a Behavior, Not a Costume

Respect is:

• listening
• supporting
• celebrating with others
• grieving with others

None of these require a suit.

None of these require a dress.

None of these require chemicals, dry cleaning, or a corporate silhouette.

Respect is a verb, not a wardrobe.

Returning to the Ground We Stand On

Indigenous America teaches that:

• the body is sacred
• the Earth is sacred
• authenticity is sacred
• community is sacred

Formality teaches that:

• the body is inappropriate
• the Earth is expendable
• conformity is sacred
• appearance is sacred

One worldview honors life. The other honors fabric.

If there is a “return to Eden,” it will not be found in a suit. It will be found in the courage to show up as we truly are: unmasked, uncostumed, unmanufactured.