Recent “scientific” proof that agreeable men are less likely to be in relationships, is only factual on the surface. When we look closer, colonization imposed patriarchal structures that:
⚠ Framed emotional expression and openness as weakness, especially in men
⚠ Prioritized ownership over united care
⚠ Valued control over healing
These norms didn’t just marginalize women, they distorted relational expectations. The agreeable man became “less desirable” not because of his essence, but because his traits didn’t fit the colonial mold of masculine utility.
In societies like that of the Lenape, where women were held equal, Lenape values fertilized relational values rooted in mutual respect, emotional clarity, and communal responsibility. Very different from the dominance & submission scripts embedded in many Western norms.
I grew up in the western script, where arguing and violence was the norm. A couple of my ancestors were Peace Chiefs that grew into War Chiefs. I was a War Chief that grew into a Peace Chief.
I’ve lived surrounded with so much daily disagreement and chaos, that I can ever only accept a relationship based on Peace aka Agreeability. Not passive, but in tune not just with each other, but the miracle of it all. Not emotionally detached, but grown to see that growth happens when the air is magical, and less so when the air is tense. Grown to feel the magical air, regardless of attempted tensions. Growth to see that anger itself is fear, and the need to control is anxiety itself.
Most, including scientific establishments are assimilatory without even realizing it. When they published that finding and Google presented it as scientific proof, they injected more chaos into world, as men who accept that are now likely to be less agreeable with women, as disagreeability is the easiest path in the first place.
As inner peace is the mountain peak, we are the minority.
🕊Peace we nurture. It takes strength to grow.
Some are born with it, and find themselves being pressured to be a worse version of themselves to be accepted. Some work hard to overcome the chaos within, and that’s a timeless win.